There are people you distrust immediately. Their attitude, their words or their reputation are enough to warn us that trusting them too much would be unwise.
And then there is Raphaël Saint Yves.
Always elegant, readily courteous, with a social ease that seems entirely natural, he has that rare talent for making you feel that everything is fine, even when he clearly thinks otherwise.
Some describe him as a helpful dandy. Others are more familiar with his membership of the Sacerdoce and prefer to be cautious.
For his part, Raphaël seems to think that most of his peers have one fatal flaw: they take themselves far too seriously for creatures whose existence might end tomorrow.
He does not dream of conquering Paris. He is not seeking to become Prince, or even to build an empire. His ambition comes down to something surprisingly modest for a vampire: surviving the next night.
It would almost be reassuring.
But Raphaël has known hatred, revenge and a violence whose existence he makes no attempt to deny. He claims to trust no vampire and considers himself his own worst enemy.
Yet he believes in eternal love.
And there is someone for whom he would accept death.
I wanted to know what could possibly lie behind so many contradictions.
He agreed to receive me.
With an impeccable smile.
« Raphaël Saint Yves. Never Victor Delafosse again. »
Babyface Good evening, Raphaël. Given your reputation for good manners, I assume you will not make me regret this invitation.
Raphaël I am always pleasant in company, my dear.
Babyface That is precisely what worries me. What would you like me to call you?
Raphaël Raphaël Saint Yves.
Babyface And certainly not Victor Delafosse?
Raphaël Certainly not.
Babyface A name from your former existence?
Raphaël A name I no longer wish to bear. That should be enough, shouldn't it?
Babyface To begin with, certainly. Describe yourself in three words.
Raphaël Pleasant. Friendly. Calculating.
Babyface You put 'calculating' last. Was that deliberate?
Raphaël Would you have preferred me to start with it?
Babyface At least that would have made your intentions clear.
Raphaël But it would have considerably diminished the appeal of the first two.
Babyface Touché. And your greatest talent?
Raphaël Passing myself off as something I am not.
Babyface That is a particularly worrying answer to give a journalist.
Raphaël You asked me to be honest.
Babyface So this charming, elegant and helpful man sitting before me could be entirely fabricated?
Raphaël Let us say that people generally see what they want to see.
Babyface And what do they want to see in you?
Raphaël A helpful dandy.
Babyface Aren't you one?
Raphaël I appreciate good manners. That does not mean I am at the service of the first idiot who comes along.
I am beginning to understand. Raphaël does not wear a mask to hide himself. He wears it because other people find that mask comfortable enough not to look for what it covers.
« My children's laughter. »
Babyface Let us return to your mortal life. What is your happiest memory?
Raphaël My wife and children.
The answer is immediate. His tone has changed.
Babyface You had a family?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface And if you could relive just one day from that time?
Raphaël My wedding.
Babyface You know, I was not necessarily expecting that.
Raphaël What were you expecting? An evening of debauchery? A memorable swindle? A society reception?
Babyface I had not decided yet. But you have just made the question much more interesting.
Raphaël Good for you.
Babyface What do you miss most from that time?
Raphaël My children's laughter.
I let a few seconds pass.
Babyface Not the sun? Food? The feeling of being alive?
Raphaël No. My children's laughter.
Babyface Would you like to see them again?
Raphaël Obviously.
Babyface Even for a few minutes?
Raphaël Especially for a few minutes.
I could ask him what became of them. He has not told me, and something in the way he answers makes me understand that he has no wish to elaborate on the subject.
Babyface If you could give one piece of advice to the man you were before your Embrace, what would you tell him?
Raphaël To stop his shady dealings.
Babyface His shady dealings?
Raphaël Yes. To stop before they cost him everything he holds most dear in the world.
Babyface So you regret certain decisions from your human life.
Raphaël I regret not understanding their price soon enough.
Babyface And if you had understood?
Raphaël We would probably not be having this conversation.
He smiles again. Not quite the smile he wore at the start of the interview.
« Hatred and revenge. »
Babyface When you realised you had become a vampire, what was your first reaction?
Raphaël Hatred.
Babyface Hatred?
Raphaël And revenge.
Babyface Not fear?
Raphaël That is not what I remember.
Babyface Hatred directed at anyone in particular?
Raphaël You see, it is precisely that kind of question that makes me wary of journalists.
Babyface And here I thought we were beginning to get along.
Raphaël That is exactly why you are dangerous.
Babyface Do you remember your first hunt?
Raphaël Yes. Blood. Rage. Hatred. Destruction.
Babyface So you do not have particularly happy memories of it.
Raphaël Above all, it taught me that you must always retain control of yourself.
Babyface Are you afraid of losing control of your Beast?
Raphaël It is probably one of the few things I truly fear.
Babyface Yet you do not seem particularly frightened of violence.
Raphaël Violence is one thing. Abandoning all self-control is another.
Babyface Have you ever committed acts you consider monstrous?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Thinking you were acting for the good?
Raphaël No. I knew perfectly well what I was doing.
Babyface And do you regret them?
Raphaël That is not the question you asked me.
Babyface No. Indeed.
Raphaël You see? I can be very cooperative.
He has a way of closing a conversation without ever giving the impression that he has raised his voice. He answers the question, then leaves you to discover that you did not ask what you really wanted to know.
« Children should never pay the price. »
Babyface Is there something you would absolutely refuse to do, even to survive?
Raphaël Use violence against children. Or cause their deaths.
Babyface You did not hesitate.
Raphaël There was no reason to hesitate.
Babyface Yet you have just admitted committing monstrous acts.
Raphaël I never claimed to be a saint. I simply answered your question.
Babyface So you have a limit.
Raphaël Everyone should have one.
Babyface In our society, unfortunately, it is not as obvious as you think.
Raphaël That is exactly what disgusts me about so many Kindred.
Babyface Their cruelty?
Raphaël Their stupidity. That ridiculous conviction that they belong to a superior species, when they are often incapable of understanding what they have or what they risk losing.
Babyface So you do not believe in the superiority of vampires?
Raphaël We have certain advantages. That does not make us more intelligent, more reasonable or more worthy of admiration.
Babyface Yet we are immortal.
Raphaël We can live a very long time. That is not the same thing.
Babyface And you think we do not make enough of this existence?
Raphaël Exactly. We spend our nights fighting over titles, domains and privileges, while knowing perfectly well how quickly we can be destroyed.
Babyface You seem to have a particularly harsh opinion of our society.
Raphaël The Second Inquisition should have taught us a little humility. Clearly, the lesson has not sunk in.
Babyface So you consider condescension our greatest flaw?
Raphaël Without hesitation.
Babyface And what quality do you appreciate most in others?
Raphaël Effectiveness.
Babyface Not kindness, generosity or intelligence?
Raphaël Intelligence that serves no purpose is not very interesting. As for good intentions, they are generally not enough to keep us alive.
« I have no friends. I have companions. »
Babyface Let us talk about your companions, then. What do you expect from a friend?
Raphaël From a what?
Babyface A friend. You know, someone you like, whom you trust, with whom you share moments...
Raphaël I am familiar with the concept.
Babyface You simply do not seem to practise it much.
Raphaël Let us say I am cautious.
Babyface Yet you have a coterie.
Raphaël Which mostly proves that I can work with other people.
Babyface What do you admire about them?
Raphaël Their usefulness.
Babyface What a warm answer!
Raphaël You asked me for a quality. Not to write a declaration of love.
Babyface You know, some of your companions speak very highly of you.
Raphaël That is very worrying.
Babyface Rose, in particular, seems to trust you.
Raphaël Rose has many qualities.
Babyface She also fears you might impose a radical transformation of her wardrobe.
Raphaël And she is quite right.
Babyface You see! So you do have some affection for her.
Raphaël Wanting to prevent someone from committing irreparable fashion mistakes is a civic duty.
Babyface You really are incorrigible.
I understand better why Rose insisted so much on this point. Beneath his apparent indifference, Raphaël seems to have particularly firm opinions on how his companions ought to present themselves in society.
Babyface If your existence depended entirely on another member of your coterie, whom would you choose?
Raphaël None, if I can avoid it.
Babyface That is the point of the question, Raphaël. You have to choose.
Raphaël In that case, probably Bogdan.
Babyface Bogdan?
Raphaël Provided he was not responsible for the problem himself. Which, knowing our group, is hardly an absurd possibility.
Babyface Why him?
Raphaël Because he is probably the most effective.
Babyface Do you trust him?
Raphaël Absolutely not. I trust no member of our species.
Babyface So you would entrust him with your existence without trusting him?
Raphaël I do not need to believe in someone's goodness to recognise their abilities.
Babyface You know, I think Bogdan would appreciate that answer.
Raphaël That should be enough to worry me.
« You're right, that is an excellent idea. »
Babyface What betrayal would you be incapable of forgiving?
Raphaël Betrayal is part of human nature. And even more so of vampire nature.
Babyface So you expect it all the time?
Raphaël Let us say I prefer not to be surprised.
Babyface That must be exhausting.
Raphaël Far less than having to repair the consequences of misplaced trust.
Babyface What flaw do you readily forgive in others, but never in yourself?
Raphaël Stupidity.
Babyface Yet I get the impression that you do not really forgive it in others.
Raphaël I tolerate it. There is a difference.
Babyface And what lie do you tell yourself most often?
Raphaël 'You're right, that is an excellent idea.'
I laugh.
Babyface So you regularly say that while thinking the exact opposite?
Raphaël You have no idea how often.
Babyface Your companions must be delighted to hear that.
Raphaël I am sure they already know.
Babyface You could simply tell them their ideas are bad.
Raphaël There are times when preserving a little peace requires a few concessions.
Babyface So you use good manners to avoid having to endure the consequences of your frankness.
Raphaël Exactly. You are beginning to understand.
« At home, in peace. »
Babyface Your favourite place in Paris?
Raphaël My apartment.
Babyface Not a grand mansion? A private club? A prestigious Elysium?
Raphaël My apartment. I find peace and quiet there.
Babyface You seem so at ease in company, yet you prefer staying at home.
Raphaël Being able to spend time with others does not mean feeling the need to do so constantly.
Babyface And if you had a night with no obligations, no danger and no one to answer to?
Raphaël I would stay at home.
Babyface All night?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Alone?
Raphaël Not necessarily.
Babyface With someone?
Raphaël With the person who keeps me company.
Babyface You see, we are making progress. So you admit enjoying someone's company.
Raphaël I never claimed otherwise.
Babyface But you do not seem particularly willing to tell me more.
Raphaël You are perceptive.
Babyface Your greatest happiness, in the end?
Raphaël Going home and forgetting the Kindred.
Babyface Even after a successful evening?
Raphaël Especially after a successful evening. It generally means I have survived their excellent ideas.
Babyface You know what is amusing? You are probably one of the few guests who see eternity as a succession of working days from which they absolutely must return home.
Raphaël The others simply do not know how to appreciate their private lives.
Babyface And what music would you choose to accompany that tranquillity?
Raphaël Sabotage, by the Beastie Boys.
I look at him for a moment.
Babyface You spend your time asking for peace, and your song for eternity is Sabotage?
Raphaël Do you have a problem with the Beastie Boys?
Babyface None. I am simply beginning to wonder whether you really know what the word tranquillity means.
Raphaël It depends on what you are trying to forget.
« Love can survive eternity. »
Babyface You told me you trust no vampire. But do you still believe in love?
Raphaël Oh yes.
Babyface That is a particularly enthusiastic answer.
Raphaël I believe in it. And I am convinced it can survive eternity.
Babyface Even when everything else eventually changes?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface You do not seem to share your peers' cynicism on the subject.
Raphaël Cynicism is sometimes a convenient way of refusing to acknowledge what really matters.
Babyface And what really matters to you?
Raphaël That is a very general question.
Babyface You could answer it very simply.
Raphaël I prefer precise questions.
Babyface Very well. What sacrifice would you be willing to make for someone you love?
Raphaël Give my life.
Babyface Without hesitation?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface So you would accept Final Death?
Raphaël For that person, yes.
Babyface You have just told me your only ambition was to survive each night.
Raphaël The two are not incompatible.
Babyface You wish to live at any cost, except when someone you love is involved.
Raphaël Exactly.
Babyface And for a cause? A conviction? The defence of Paris?
Raphaël No cause.
Babyface None?
Raphaël A person. Not a cause.
He answers without emphasis, without trying to make his declaration nobler than it is. I have heard so many Kindred proclaim their loyalty to Princes, clans and ideals that it is almost disconcerting to meet someone who so simply refuses to give his life for an abstraction.
Babyface So you are perfectly capable of loving someone, but incapable of trusting your own species.
Raphaël I do not see why you assume the two must be linked.
Babyface You are right. They are not necessarily linked.
« Power? Freedom. »
Babyface What does power mean to you?
Raphaël Freedom.
Babyface Not responsibility?
Raphaël I have no desire to spend my eternity governing idiots.
Babyface I assume you mean your peers.
Raphaël Among others.
Babyface So you wish neither to become Prince nor to accumulate titles?
Raphaël I wish to be free to manage my own existence without some individual convinced of their superiority constantly explaining what I must do.
Babyface Which is not exactly easy in Paris.
Raphaël You noticed?
Babyface What is your greatest ambition?
Raphaël Surviving the next night.
Babyface Is that all?
Raphaël It is already ambitious enough, given some of the people I associate with.
Babyface Your coterie, again?
Raphaël I named no one.
Babyface And in a hundred years?
Raphaël Still being alive.
Babyface With your companions?
Raphaël At this rate, I seriously doubt I will reach that goal.
Babyface So you have absolutely remarkable confidence in your group's ability to survive.
Raphaël I would call it an excellent knowledge of its members.
Babyface Would you rather be loved, respected or feared?
Raphaël Loved.
Babyface Yet you do not make any particular effort to be liked.
Raphaël I never said I wanted to be loved by everyone.
Babyface Only by certain people.
Raphaël Exactly.
There is something almost provocative about that simplicity. Raphaël seems to have no desire to possess the world. He only wants a part of it to belong to him enough for him to live there in peace.
« I would become human again. »
Babyface If you could become human again, mortal and vulnerable, would you accept?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Immediately?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Without even asking for time to think?
Raphaël You asked me a question. I answered it.
Babyface You would give up all the possibilities offered by the Blood?
Raphaël I have never considered our condition a gift.
Babyface Yet you said you now appreciate the ease of your vampiric existence.
Raphaël There is a difference between learning to make the most of a situation and wanting it imposed on you for eternity.
Babyface So you hated your condition more in the past?
Raphaël Before, I found nothing particularly pleasant about it. Today, I have learned to appreciate certain advantages.
Babyface But not enough to refuse to become human again.
Raphaël Exactly.
Babyface What do you miss so much from your former existence?
Raphaël The opportunities I failed to seize.
Babyface You mean your family.
Raphaël Among other things.
Babyface So your greatest regret is not making the most of life when you had the chance.
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface You know, I have met many vampires who regret losing their humanity because they lost the sun, food or the simple pleasure of feeling their hearts beat. You seem to regret the moments you never got to experience even more.
Raphaël That is one way of looking at it.
Babyface Yet a human existence has a limited duration.
Raphaël Precisely. That is what gives it a certain value.
« My worst enemy? Me. »
Babyface What truth about yourself do you hope no one will ever discover?
Raphaël The existence of a person.
Babyface A person?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Who?
Raphaël We will stop there.
Babyface You do not even wish to tell me a little more?
Raphaël No.
His tone is still courteous. But this is no longer a joke.
Babyface Very well. I will respect that.
Raphaël Thank you.
Babyface What are you most ashamed of?
Raphaël My companions' lack of manners and common sense.
Babyface That is not exactly a personal source of shame.
Raphaël It depends on how often you are seen in their company.
Babyface You are impossible.
Raphaël I have been told that before.
Babyface Your worst enemy?
Raphaël Me.
This time, I do not smile.
Babyface Yourself?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface Why?
Raphaël I know my mistakes. My bad decisions. The things I have done and those I have not done. There is enough material there without needing to look elsewhere for an enemy.
Babyface So you still blame yourself for certain things.
Raphaël Are you asking whether I have regrets? I have just explained that my own decisions cost me what I held most dear.
Babyface Do you think you do not deserve forgiveness?
Raphaël I did not tell you that.
Babyface No. You are right.
He turns the conversation slightly aside, and I let him. There are silences you understand are not invitations.
« In the arms of one of the Prince's Blades. »
Babyface We are approaching the end. A few lighter questions to finish.
Raphaël I will wait to see what you call light.
Babyface Your hero or heroine?
Raphaël The only person I love.
Babyface You really are determined not to give me a single name.
Raphaël It is a quality I cultivate carefully.
Babyface Your idea of the ideal death?
Raphaël In the arms of one of the Prince's Blades.
I look up from my notebook.
Babyface Pardon?
Raphaël You heard perfectly well.
Babyface You do mean François Villon's Blades?
Raphaël Yes.
Babyface That is an answer open to several interpretations.
Raphaël That is what makes it interesting.
Babyface You realise I could ask you to clarify?
Raphaël And that I could quite simply refuse.
Babyface You really are unbearable when you are allowed to choose your words.
Raphaël Yet you keep asking me questions.
Babyface It is a mistake I am beginning to recognise. One last thing: if tomorrow were to be your final night, what sentence would you wish to leave behind?
Raphaël 'Make the most of unlife. It is much shorter than you think.'
Babyface Do you find that paradoxical, for an immortal?
Raphaël Above all, I think my peers should reflect on it more often.
The last question
I almost close my notebook, then stop.
Raphaël has told me about his wife and children, the hatred that accompanied his Embrace and his wish to regain a human existence. He has told me about his contempt for vampire society, his need for tranquillity and his almost total lack of political ambition.
But whenever our conversation came close to what he truly holds dear, he closed the door.
I could try to force it.
I have no wish to.
Babyface We have reached the last question, Raphaël. Which one were you secretly hoping I would not ask?
Raphaël If I answer that question, I will be obliged to shorten your existence.
Babyface That would be a pity.
Raphaël That is precisely what I think.
Babyface Then I will avoid pushing your courtesy to its very limits.
Raphaël A particularly reasonable decision.
Babyface But allow me one observation.
Raphaël I am listening.
Babyface You claim to have no friends, you despise most vampires and you consider your coterie a permanent source of catastrophes. Yet you want to be loved. You believe love can last eternally and would accept death for someone.
Raphaël I see no contradiction.
Babyface I think I am beginning to understand why.
Raphaël Really?
Babyface You are not trying to be loved by the whole world. You are simply trying to protect the few people you still want to love.
He does not answer immediately.
Raphaël That is an interpretation.
Babyface An interpretation that seems quite reasonable to me.
Raphaël You have a great deal of imagination, Babyface.
Babyface It is an occupational flaw.
I put my notes away for good.
Babyface I promised you one last question, but I will leave you with something you said at the beginning of our interview.
You explained that your greatest talent was passing yourself off as something you are not.
Raphaël Indeed.
Babyface I wonder whether, after playing the indifferent dandy for so long, you have ended up forgetting that some feelings do not need to be concealed to remain precious.
Raphaël And I wonder whether you should stop while you are still alive.
Babyface That sounds like excellent advice.
I stand up.
Babyface Thank you for this interview, Raphaël.
Raphaël The pleasure was all mine, my dear.
Babyface Do you really mean what you say?
Raphaël You now know I am perfectly capable of lying elegantly.
Babyface In that case, I will assume it was sincere.
Raphaël Please do.
He smiles.
This time, I do not try to find out what that smile means.
End of the interview.
Babyface's perspective
I believe Raphaël Saint Yves is one of the most difficult men to interview I have ever met.
Not because he systematically refuses to answer. On the contrary, he has remarkable courtesy and always seems willing to maintain a pleasant conversation.
But he knows exactly when a question becomes dangerous.
He has that very particular art of giving a perfectly correct answer, witty enough to make you smile, while revealing almost nothing of what you were trying to find out.
A helpful dandy, they say.
I now understand why he hates that definition.
His elegance is not a sign of frivolity. It is a way of keeping others at a distance without openly offending them. He smiles, jokes, nods and pretends to approve the most absurd ideas, while clearly holding a very low opinion of those who express them.
I very much liked his way of summarising one of his favourite lies: 'You're right, that is an excellent idea.'
I suspect some members of his coterie have heard that sentence a considerable number of times.
But behind that irony lies something more painful.
Raphaël was married. He had children. And when asked what he misses most from his former existence, he speaks neither of the sun, nor of food, nor even of his lost humanity.
He speaks of his children's laughter.
It is an answer I will not easily forget.
We Kindred readily cherish the idea that our mortal existence is merely a prelude. A brief, imperfect stage to which the Blood supposedly gave new importance.
Raphaël seems to think the exact opposite.
What he experienced before his Embrace retains a value for him that decades of unlife have not erased. His marriage, his family, the ordinary moments he failed to appreciate enough.
And above all, the mistakes that cost him that happiness.
He does not say much about them. He only implies that some of his decisions caused losses he can no longer repair.
I believe that is one reason why he so vehemently rejects the supposed superiority of vampires.
What use is possessing eternity if you have already lost what gave time meaning?
Raphaël seems to have found an answer.
You must go on living.
Make the most of each night, preserve your peace, avoid idiots and protect what still deserves protection.
It is a fairly simple philosophy. There is even something reasonable about it, which makes it almost exotic in Parisian society.
But it rests on a contradiction I find fascinating.
Raphaël trusts no vampire. He considers betrayal a natural component of our condition. He shows no desire to govern and seems to feel no excessive attachment to the institutions of the Camarilla.
Yet he believes in eternal love.
Not vaguely. Not as one believes in a pretty story one would like to see come true.
He is convinced of it.
And when asked what he would be willing to sacrifice for someone he loves, his answer is immediate: his own existence.
I believe that is where the real Raphaël Saint Yves is to be found.
Not in his suits, his elegance or his jokes. Nor in his contempt for vampires or his talent for manipulation.
But in that ability to place an absolute value on one person, even as he seems to refuse to place much value on the rest of the world.
I do not know who that person is.
And I have no intention of trying to find out.
He was clear enough on that point.
I was also struck by his answer about his worst enemy.
Himself.
It is not the kind of admission you expect from a man who takes such care over his appearance and so readily displays his detachment.
I do not believe he constantly hates himself. He even seems rather satisfied with certain aspects of his current existence. But he knows his responsibility for what he has lost. And he does not seem willing to absolve himself of it.
Perhaps that also explains his hatred of creatures who consider themselves superior to others.
Raphaël knows that power protects against neither stupidity, nor bad choices, nor the consequences of one's own actions.
He has probably experienced that.
Yet I would not want to paint an exclusively tragic picture of him.
Raphaël has a biting wit, decidedly limited patience and a sense of propriety that seems to owe much to his desire to avoid unnecessary conflict.
He loves the tranquillity of his apartment, clearly enjoys certain people's company and has very firm opinions on his companions' wardrobe mistakes.
I dare not imagine what would happen if Rose officially entrusted him with responsibility for her wardrobe.
I suspect it would be the beginning of a conflict far more endless than some quarrels between elders.
But one thing remains.
Raphaël claims to have no great ambition.
He simply wants to survive each night.
I believe he is sincere.
Not because he lacks courage or imagination, but because he knows exactly what an ill-chosen ambition can cost.
And perhaps because there is now something, or someone, for whom he wishes to go on living.
I asked him what sentence he would like to leave behind if tomorrow were to be his last night.
He answered: 'Make the most of unlife. It is much shorter than you think.'
I think he knows the value of that warning better than many of us.
For my part, I took another lesson from our conversation.
There are vampires who wear a mask to hide the monster they have become.
Raphaël Saint Yves, for his part, seems above all to wear his to protect what remains human in him.
Babyface
The Midnight Confessions, Paris la Nuit.